SHE IS KIOWA AND APACHE. When she was a young girl, a Hopi medicine man and an unusual surgery saved her life.
She’s just finished a sold-out performance, one where much was improvised. She calls it a healing. It’s spoken poetry with accompanying guitar and dance, and it’s hypnotic.
Her ancestors are a constant and precise guide, a source of strength.
She is a Momaday.
Childhood Illness
When I was about seven, my parents noticed that my eye closed and wandered, so I was taken to medicine men, healers. One of them was a Hopi man – we would travel to his country and he would heal me. He sucked out of me so much stuff. He literally had rocks in his mouth after he sucked this stuff out of my head.
Then I had brain surgery when I was 10. It was a very risky procedure because they had not performed it on someone as young as I was. They put a piece of Teflon between my third nerve and my brain. But during that time, I felt like I was being watched over and looked after. I knew I had angels because during that whole time I was so vulnerable and sick. I didn’t sleep for years. I was afraid….
Poetry
I love to write in Spanish. I love reading in Spanish. One of my favorite poets is Neruda – I love his poetry. He’s one of the only poets I like. I don’t like poetry readings and I don’t like attending them.
But I really wanted to do a Spanish piece, and it dawned on me that I needed a poem about my aunt who I was so incredibly close with; she passed away in 2016. The show was called Reliquias, which means relics.
One of the most important things that I own is this note that my aunt wrote me after a performance. She wrote on a little piece of napkin how proud she was of me. That little tiny thing is the most important thing to me. And it really did become a relic, a religious keepsake. It’s those keepsakes and those heirlooms and that ancestry and healing and bringing in the people who came before me. To me, family is everything. Knowing my roots is everything.
Performance
People say that they have no idea what to expect when entering the theater because it’s not a poetry reading, it’s not a recital, it’s not a dance piece, it’s not a concert. It’s something so much deeper than that, and I think the reason why it resonated with people is because it’s so personal.
It touches people’s hearts. People say to me over and over again, It was a healing for us. I think everybody feels that.
Family
I identify as Kiowa and Apache. Kiowa on my mom’s side and Apache on my dad’s.
My family is exceptional, and it started really, really, really far back. My parents stressed the importance of family and of knowing where we come from.
My family is extremely spiritual. I grew up just knowing that that’s the most important thing in the world. That’s where our courage comes from, that’s where creativity comes from. We’re not just born into the world a certain way, we’re like that because of everything that happened before.
I’ve always felt such an extreme connection with my great-grandmother, who I’m named after. She was born in 1913 and lived this extraordinary life. Our hearts are enmeshed.
I talk to her every day. I dream of her often. Her influence is so strong because she was such a headstrong woman and really forged the path for all of us. She was extremely creative, and the way she saw the world was unique and beautiful. My mom was very close with her, and through the last years of her life, my mom – pregnant with me – would go visit her in Jemez and learn all of the stories.
She died right after I was born.
How Ancestors Speak
I feel like my great-grandmother is here with me all the time. I don’t think she’s present in this world as some other spirits are. It’s more ethereal; she is in so many places at once, but I do call upon her often for guidance. And I’m fascinated with the idea of heaven and angels. I 100% believe in that place.
I often feel like I’m being helped. And more recently, I feel like I’m recognizing something that’s always been a part of my life, but I’m more open to understanding it in a deeper way – understanding that life is so not linear. I think that’s something that we are taught, but it really, like, throws you off.
I know that I’ve been here before. I recognize certain experiences and people and places from before.
I have a very close connection with God. I think that’s because I was brought up knowing that God is in everything and that we come from a source. I’m very much attuned to nature. It goes back to family and tradition and roots and knowing where we come from.
The State of the World
A lot of my generation is very doom and gloom. Or they are activists trying to change the world. That’s very inspiring and beautiful. I’m not an activist – that’s not how my mind works. That’s not where my heart is. To me, we’re here in this way for such a short time, and I’m very impulsive. I just like sort of bulldoze through life, and I try to enjoy every part of it.
Language
Language comes very naturally to me – it always has. I think I’m observant, and I think that’s one of my roles in this life: to watch and observe. I love studying people. That’s always the most interesting subject to me – how people move and how people do mundane activities. I think it’s very interesting.
Like what they do when they first wake up in the morning or the last thing they say to each other when they go to sleep.
My Famous Grandfather
I had to discover Scott Momaday’s books for myself. I actually took a course from him in college, which was very interesting – but not just because he’s my grandfather. I almost didn’t want to be inspired by him. I didn’t wanna read his Pulitzer-prize-winning book because it was the Pulitzer-prize-winning book, but I wanted to discover it for myself. One of my favorite books of his is The Names, which is sort of a family tree.
Billy the Kid
My other favorite book of his is The Ancient Child, about this infatuation with and romanticization of Billy the Kid.
I always loved Billy. I always felt like he was so misunderstood. He was so much for the native people.
He is an entity that is larger than life, yet so accessible. We feel like we know him; I feel very close to him. My mom and my grandfather feel the same way. The myth bleeds into reality and becomes part of our lives.
It’s like he’s always been a part of my family and our history. And I don’t know really where it stems from. My granddad says that he used to ride with Billy the Kid.
I write poems about him – sometimes he’s my lover, sometimes he’s my best friend. When I was 14, I tattooed his name onto me. That was my first tattoo because Billy’s my boyfriend. [laughter]
Mom
I love that I can trace my family back to Santa Fe. I don’t feel at home or at ease anywhere else because of that. I love that I grew up in the same house that my mom grew up in. And to me, there’s just no place like Santa Fe.
I’m very much attuned to the culture here. If there’s anywhere in the world that still holds the sentiment and the romance of the Wild West, it’s Santa Fe.
I just think of my mom when she was young, walking around in Santa Fe in her outfits. I love that image. A lot of the time, people say that I look like her, I remind them of her, or my smile is hers. I think so much of who I am comes from my mom.
And she is Santa Fe, my mom.
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Photo SFM
