RICARDO STEPS ONTO THE STAGE. There are about 25 of the faithful at Chile Line Brewery. Most of them are comedians who will eventually perform. He is number six on the docket – some have been funny, others bomb. One is so drunk he can barely stand. It’s all good.
Ricardo’s delivery is deadpan. He takes a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. It’s a list.
Useless unnecessary things that serve no purpose whatsoever.
1. The Walmart lady who checks out your recent purchases
2. The extra button on new shirts
3. The lady who greets you at the bank
4. Check engine lights
5. Pens with green ink
6. Cats
7. Whatever makeup Marjorie Taylor Green wears
8. White people
9. Pennies
10. Comedians
He totally pulls this off.
Ricardo is already big deal in the cartoon world with his wildly popular Without Reservations, and at 52, standup is a new career move. He was probably the kind of kid who sat in back of the class and drew pictures of the teachers to the amusement of all.
But he is also a deeply serious man who is in the business of punctuating the general bullshit that happens, especially what white people think about Natives. He wants white Americans to understand what has happened since they showed up 532 years ago. The only way he has to do that is to make them laugh.
How to do standup
I was on the streets of Durango selling just plain pencil drawings. I was walking by this pizzeria called Far Courts. There was a bunch of noise in there, like, just shouting. I looked and it was a bunch of college kids from Fort Lewis. I saw this poster, it said, Comedy Contest Tonight. Winner gets a $50 certificate.
I was like, Oh my gosh, I can do this and I could win this thing, and I’ll be eating pizza and having a pitcher of beer in an hour. So I went in, I signed up. It turns out I was the last person they were waiting for. They had 15 people sign up and I was number 15. I had watched Comedy Central enough times to know what’s funny and what’s not, listening to Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce and George Carlin as a kid. I knew what was funny.
It was my turn and so I went up. I didn’t realize that I had been standing there not saying anything for like 15, 20 seconds. I started hearing boos. It’s just all white students, like really loud and stuff. I looked up and I said, Ah, I’m sorry but I’m really nervous standing up here. Not because it’s my first time doing comedy, stand-up comedy, but I just realized I’m the only Indian in here in a room full of drunk white people.
That got a laugh and I was, Oh, okay, well, I’m a Native American. So I love porn. I mean corn, corn. I love corn. And so more laughs, and then something about, being Native, it’s pretty cool ‘cause you can go into any fancy restaurant and if they ask you if you have a reservation, you can just say, yes, just a little.
Then I thought, Should I tell this joke? and the devil in me said, Do it. And so I was like, Well, I’ve been talking about how bad it is being Native and coming from a reservation, but it’s not bad all the time. In fact, every once in a while, Hollywood comes out with a movie that makes you proud of your culture. Like for Natives, it was Dances with Wolves, for Black people, it was Roots. With the Italians, it was The Godfather. And then I paused and I go, And for white people, Brokeback Mountain.”
There was a long pause, and I thought they were gonna kill me. But then, oh man, the biggest laughter of that night just broke out. And I won. So I’m sitting there, and I have a pizza to myself, and I have a pitcher of beer, and I’m chowing down and I feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn and it’s an old gentleman. He says, How would you like to perform what you just did? I’ll pay you a hundred bucks a night.
How to Be the Best
I took a lot of political science classes at UNM before I got kicked out. And that’s why I had to join the Marines, ‘cause I had nowhere else to go. I was a pretty good Marine. I was one of the best because I saw a Marine on the TV and I was like, I want to be just like him. I made myself to be just like him. When I became a teacher, I wanted to be the best teacher ever, just like my fifth and sixth grade teacher, Mr. Gonzalez from Santa Fe. I wanted to be just as good as him. And when I became a blackjack dealer, I wanted to be the best. When I was a bartender, I wanted to be the best and I was. And when I wanted to be a cartoonist, Charles Schulz, Bill Watterson, Mort Walker, I want to be just like them. I may not look like them, but I know what a cartoonist is and how well they do it, and same thing with the comedy now, I want to hone my comedy to where I want to be one of the best comedians. Because otherwise, why even do it?
How to Be Universal
I could have easily drawn Native cartoons where only Natives get it and there are inside jokes and all that, but it’s been done before. No one’s ever taken that and gone universal the way mine has. Being a comedian, I’m like, me and my friends, Corey from Cochiti, Abraham from Ohkay Owingeh, and then Victor from Santa Domingo; we’re all Pueblo and what we’re trying to do is we all do jokes that aren’t always Native based.
One time two years ago, me and Corey were invited to CloudTop Comedy Festival. So they invite five, six comics. Three of the big Native East Coast comics were there. These were big high caliber people and then there’s us. So they go out there and it’s an all mostly white audience, the people that go to the farmers’ market. It’s like, maybe about 200 people out there. And these guys go on first. Man, they bombed.
All three of them. And I was like, Oh shit, I’m gonna bomb too. So they introduced me, I went on and I did my jokes, and they were universal – I’m thinking about getting married. I’m thinking about getting married ‘cause I’m sick and tired of being happy all the time. They laughed.
How to Get in The New Yorker
I was in New York City, Grand Central Station. I have my camera, taking pictures here and there, Times Square is just right there. NBC Studios is there, so I went in and bought some Friends t-shirts, some mugs for my family. And so, I’m standing there outside NBC and it hit me, What the fuck am I doing here? I’m in New York City. I should be at The New Yorker. So I jumped in the cab. It cost me 48 bucks, but I got there.
Getting into the office, I had to deal with four tall Jamaican guards. It was a huge room, like the Emerald City, except it was blue, light blue. They came up to me and three times they intercepted me and said, Oh no, you have to come back on Tuesday.
But this is the only time I’m in New York. I’m from New Mexico…
Just come back Tuesday.
They escorted me out. The second, third time they escorted me out, I took a walk around for an hour, and then I decided to try it one more time.
So I walked in and I picked one, and asked How did you get this job? Did you apply for it? He says No, I was referred by a family member, and I left Jamaica to work here. I said, Well, you were fortunate enough that someone helped you. I need help. I’m Native American. I’m from New Mexico, and I’m a cartoonist. And all I want to do and leave my cartoons here, which you won’t let me, but if I could just have one phone call, one phone call.”
He goes, one phone call. I call the office upstairs and someone came down, got the cartoons, I thanked the guys. So next I got a phone call from this lady and she goes, Thank you for leaving these. However, the country’s not ready for this cartoon. They’re kind of a bit racy. A couple of them, I didn’t get. So I said, Well, it’s okay you didn’t get them because I don’t always get the cartoons that are in The New Yorker, being Native American. She goes, Oh, you’re Native American. I said, Yes, I am. And by the way, when you said the country isn’t ready for this cartoon, I think the country has been waiting 528 years for this cartoon.
Silence. Then she just said something to the effect, Oh, I apologize. I said No, it’s okay. Thank you for your time. and I hung up on her. I just want people, I think, to realize that this country came at a price.
How to Argue Politics
I walked into Cowgirl one day, this was during Trump stuff. People were arguing left wing, right wing, whatever. And they were like Ricardo, are you coming from the Left or from the Right? I said, What? They said We’re having a discussion here. Are you coming from the Left or you are from the Right? I said, Neither. I’m coming up from the bottom. I have this knack of being able to say things that makes people just stop.
Blood was shed. Ancestors were killed. I just want them to acknowledge that. I don’t want land back. In fact, one of my friends from home, showed me land he bought and said Look what I bought. I said What’d you buy that for? He goes, Because land back. I said, Dude, I’ve seen your backyard. You can’t even take care of your backyard.
How to Draw Badly
My panels are simple. I get to do that. People say, It’s badly drawn. I say, Well, I’m not making an effort to make it great. The thing is the message, not the drawing. And then they said, Well, if you drew a little better, maybe you would get considered for the Pulitzer Prize.
Okay. Maybe I’ll work on it.
But my light is directed to my people, the kids, and say, Look what I’m doing, you can do this too. You can be, you can do whatever, whether through music or poetry or whatever, cartooning, drawing, painting. You can do this too. That’s what my light is. The non-Natives, they can take it or leave it, but so far I’ve been lucky, they’ve actually accepted it. I have nothing to prove to them. I have more to prove to my people.
My cartoons are just me. I’m not out to impress anyone. It’s just there. That’s Ricardo.
How to Tell Time
I’m standing there, two weeks into a new school year, and I hadn’t talked to any of the white kids yet. I was too scared. So it was a Saturday morning, and here comes these football players taking off their helmets and they’re going to get some water. I recognize them. They were all my classmates. So they’re walking, and I could hear them, I’m just standing there looking the other way.
So how long is practice?
I don’t know.
What time is practice over?
I don’t know.
And right there when they get there, one of them says, I wonder what time it is. So I took a step over, I go, It’s 10:47. And they go, What did you say? I got scared. I was like, Oh, it’s 10:47. And they go, How do you know that? One of them, Mike Duran, goes, Oh, look, he’s Native American. He’s an Indian. He can tell time by the sun. And they all went, Really? You can do that? I was so scared I had no choice but to say, Yeah.
So for the rest of the season, football season, every time anyone came walking up to me, I would simply do this. They never knew I had a watch. But those first six guys, they became my best friends.
How to Be a Legend
My grandpa was a lieutenant governor, and he was in charge of the village.
One day, some lady reporter had walked through Santo Domingo. It was the ‘60s, and she was appalled by the way we lived. She saw kids swimming in the ditch and then women coming to get the water from the same ditch. Some of the kids were sunbathing, and they were all covered with mud. But they were as happy as could be. Flies all over. Open 50-gallon trash thingies that they only picked up like once every two weeks. There was meat hanging, and she was like, Oh my gosh, how could anyone live like this?
So she wrote a newspaper article. Some rich lady from California read the article, and she was moved by the whole thing. She was like, I’m going to do something about it. So she put two semi-truck loads of goods, canned goods, furniture, toys, bikes, tools, all kinds of stuff, and she called the village. She says, I’m coming this Saturday with these trucks to give to the people. So the buzz was all around. Here come these trucks. About 300, 400 people come to the community center. Trucks set up. Lady comes out. I bought these things for you. And someone said, Hold on. You have to let our governorship know. She asks, Who’s in charge? Mr. Caté, they say. Go get him, she says.
Someone ran down the street and he comes out, and he’s still wearing his pajama pants and an old shirt. Of course he has a cigar. He comes up. She hands him the article and he’s reading the article as he’s smoking and everyone’s standing and they’re all excited. He gives her back the article. I’ve seen him do this, he takes his ashtray purposely, like a whole minute. I know he’s thinking the whole time. Finally, he sets it down. He goes, Lady, thank you for bringing all this stuff. However, I want you to take it back where you got it from. Everyone was stunned. She says, Excuse me? He says, Yeah, just take this back to where you got it from. She goes, Why? Well, two reasons, he says. One, as bad as this article sounds, yes, we have the flies, we have meat hanging, all this stuff. But as bad as it sounds, this is how we live. This is who we are. You’re on a reservation. This is how we live. No one is sick. No one is dying. We’re doing just fine.
Two, and this is the kicker. See all these people here? She turns, she looks. And grandpa says, Well, these are the greedy ones. The people that need this are not here. They’re at home taking care of their kids or the elderly. The men are out in the fields. Some are out looking for jobs or working jobs. Same with the women. Our jewelers are out there trying to sell their wares. The people who need this stuff are not here.
Everybody there hated him that day, starting that day. But I’ve always wanted to become that person.
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